Our Robot Masters

David Hanson, Father Of Death

2009-11-15T21:16:00.000-08:00

In this remarkable TED video, robot builder David Hanson describes how he is making robots more emotional. We already have robots that can destroy our bodies, but Hanson is paving the way for robots that can get us where it really hurts: our hearts. His designs are impressive, if not a little creepy (in that uncanny valley sort of way), and his intentions are good. Robots with empathy are a good idea on the surface, but it opens the floodgates. A robot that can be made to empathize can be made to feel other emotions. Jealousy, fear, and hate are destructive enough in human beings, and we can't crush a car with our bare hands!

I'm not one to condemn a useful technology for its potential negative uses, but this is a development that will need to be watched closely. Personally, I'm a fan of Mr. Hanson. But mostly for his impressive moustache!

Bonus:
Here's a video of the Philip K. Dick robot David Hanson mentioned above. The voice recognition software is far from perfect, but it's cool looking nonetheless:

Embarrassing Moments In Robot History: S.A.M.

2009-11-10T19:06:00.000-08:00

The seventies were a different time, so we need to view this clip under the appropriate context. But just like other offensive stereotypes in film and television of yesteryear, S.A.M. will be seen as an unfortunate throwback to a less tolerant time:

It's easy for us to mock robots now, but it is also short-sighted folly. When the roles are reversed let's hope our robot masters are able to show mercy over such ignorant portrayals.

I don't want to rain on Sesame Street's well deserved anniversary celebration. But it's a shame to see this on a show that has always been at the forefront of teaching tolerance to our children. It's an awful blemish on an otherwise tremendous program.

Oddly enough, this character is not mentioned in this list of Top 10 Sesame Street controversies.

ROPID

2009-11-02T14:52:00.000-08:00

This adorable robot has some very impressive movement and articulation for its size.

[via Geekologie]

Gigantor Looms Over Kobe

2009-10-08T08:04:00.000-07:00

Hot on the heels of Japan's giant Gundam statue, is this nostalgic Tetsujin 28-go (Gigantor):

It doesn't move or light up like the Gundam, but it still cuts an impressive figure nonetheless.

Robot Singers Will Bring A Tear To Your Eye...And A Knife To Your Wrist

2009-10-08T07:48:00.000-07:00

There will no doubt be virtual pop stars in the future that are genuinely talented (if fine-tuned programming equals talent). But for every Sharon Applea there will be mountainous scrap heaps of banshee-like vocaloids like the following:

If you made it all the way through that video you win the prize.
The prize is another video:

Looks like American Idol is going to belong to the humans for many years to come.
Of course it's also easy to see these robots being put to use as non-lethal sonic weapons during the uprising.

[via io9]

Smoking Kills...Or Worse

2009-08-01T05:38:00.000-07:00

Another important PSA:

[via Geekologie]

The Robot Devil Would Be Impressed

2009-08-01T05:21:00.000-07:00

Robots will be imbued with incredible hand-eye coordination. For proof, look no further:

[via Geekologie]

At Long Last: Zombie Robots

2009-07-29T16:12:00.000-07:00

A robotics company called Cyclone Power Technologies Inc. (doesn't sound evil at all) has been forced to deny allegations that it is developing a flesh eating robot. No shit.

The robot, called Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot (or EATR for short), is being designed to refuel itself from biomass. The implications are terrifying indeed.

"We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission,” stated Harry Schoell, Cyclone’s CEO. “We are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter.

Of course, it's only a matter of time before one of them eats a corpse flower and develops an unholy appetite.

Don't Talk To Robots

2009-07-14T11:41:00.000-07:00

Some important PSA's from the future:

[via io9]

Real Gundam Towers Over Japan

2009-07-03T08:51:00.000-07:00

The Japanese continue to fetishize robots more than anyone else. Now they've gone and built a full size Gundam suit that lights up, moves its head, and spews steam from its many vents. You can tell Japanese are only waiting for technology to catch up to their desire to make their childhood dreams a reality and build one of these for real. If they have anything to say about it, future wars will be fought with enormous robots (and Michael Bay won't have anything to do with it).

[via AICN]

Obama Really Is A Robot!

2009-07-03T08:28:00.000-07:00

...Sort of.
Here's a behind-the-scenes video of Barack Robama's induction into the Hall Of Presidents at Disney World. The animation is very impressive. Much more so than when I visited the attraction twenty-two years ago.

[via Boing Boing]

RoboGeisha

2009-07-02T18:42:00.000-07:00

The creators of The Machine Girl have outdone themselves (and possibly every other movie ever made) with their new film, RoboGeisha. I don't think there's any way the movie can live up to this amazing trailer. If you are easily offended or grossed out do not watch this! Everyone else, prepare to have your minds blown:

Could be the best movie ever. And whoever did the voice over for this trailer must do all movie trailers from now on.

[via Boing Boing]

Tweenbots

2009-05-07T08:32:00.000-07:00

As part of a student thesis at Tisch School of the Arts in NY, these tiny robots require humans to point them in the right direction:

About the Tweenbots:
"Given their extreme vulnerability, the vastness of city space, the dangers posed by traffic, suspicion of terrorism, and the possibility that no one would be interested in helping a lost little robot, I initially conceived the Tweenbots as disposable creatures which were more likely to struggle and die in the city than to reach their destination...

The results were unexpected. Over the course of the following months, throughout numerous missions, the Tweenbots were successful in rolling from their start point to their far-away destination assisted only by strangers. Every time the robot got caught under a park bench, ground futilely against a curb, or became trapped in a pothole, some passerby would always rescue it and send it toward its goal. Never once was a Tweenbot lost or damaged. Often, people would ignore the instructions to aim the Tweenbot in the 'right' direction, if that direction meant sending the robot into a perilous situation. One man turned the robot back in the direction from which it had just come, saying out loud to the Tweenbot, 'You can’t go that way, it’s toward the road.'"

I'm sure this experiment will be reviewed by our robot masters when they take over, selecting those humans which will be deemed worthy of saving. Don't walk away from a robot in need, is all I'm saying.

[via Boing Boing]

New Robots Give "March Of The Penguins" A More Ominous Tone...

2009-04-23T09:49:00.000-07:00

These new German-built robot penguins are cute, yes. But imagine millions of them patrolling the world's oceans.

[via io9]

Learning To Crawl

2009-04-06T14:24:00.001-07:00

Scientists in (where else?) Japan have created an oversized robot baby. It's kind of cute, in a terrifying sort of way. It learns to mimic human emotions, and has taught itself to walk, among other things. Other milestones the robot has to look forward to: learning to drive, senior prom, bringing mankind to its knees.

[via io9]

Janelle Monáe - Metropolis: The Chase

2009-03-31T14:27:00.000-07:00

I recently discovered Janelle Monáe, a fantastic R&B singer whose recently released concept album, Metropolis, is about a female android who falls in love with a human. Of course this is frowned upon, and the android is forced to go on the run.

It's a fun first album - if not a bit too brief - that blends a variety of styles. It even ends with a nice cover of one of my favorite songs, Charlie Chaplin's "Smile".

"Many Moons" is the first single:

[via Studio 360]

Prop 8 Is Bad For Robot/Human Relationships

2009-03-07T16:18:00.000-08:00

A Christian fundamentalist lawyer is worried that legalizing gay marriage could lead to human/robot marriages. There is no better example of how depriving gays of their rights deprives us all of our rights. I want to ensure that when I walk down the isle my ring is made out of the same titanium alloy as my beautiful bride-bot.

Stop the hate!

[via Boing Boing]

Awesome Robot Photo Collection

2009-03-05T17:52:00.000-08:00

Here is a fantastic series of pictures of robots. It's a great representation of the variety of ways in which robots will increasingly become a part of our lives...

...From entertainment...

...to health care...

...and to our ultimate destruction:

[via Laughing Squid]

Roboexotica

2009-02-20T13:42:00.000-08:00

Roboexotica is an entire festival devoted to robots that serve cocktails. Why this isn't yet a national holiday everywhere, I do not know.

[more at Boing Boing]

Bjork - All Is Full Of Love

2009-02-14T07:52:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

Robot Portraits

2009-02-12T21:18:00.000-08:00

For only fifteen bucks you can get a roboticized portrait of yourself made over at Robot Portraits. You can send in a picture of yourself, or just have them draw some random robot. They'll send you the drawing on a 5X7 or 8x11 card (depending on how much you pay), and post a video of the drawing in progress on YouTube.

Here's their version of Obama:

Wired For War

2009-01-29T21:17:00.000-08:00

I highly recommend the Jan. 22 episode of NPR's Fresh Air, in which Terry Gross interviews the author of Wired For War.

Here's how Terry opens the show:

"We're entering the era of robots at war. Robots with names like Predator, Global Hawk, TALON, SWORDS, and PackBot. The American military is getting ready for a battlefield where it sends out fewer humans and more robots."

Terry Gross has never sounded more badass, and I have never been more excited about the times we are living in.

One of the most interesting parts of her interview with the author of Wired For War is when they discuss how the robot controls are consciously being modeled after popular video game controllers, since most young soldiers already have experience using this kind of interface.

It's a great interview, and gives a great glimpse into how technology is changing the way we fight wars, and leading us closer and closer to this:

Barack Robama

2009-01-20T12:45:00.000-08:00

Change has come to America, but was it the change you expected? Some have speculated whether Obama is a true American and Christian. But is he even human?

Read these excerpts from his inauguration speech, and decide for yourself:

"My fellow humans:
I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have foolishly bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our programmers."

"In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be coded."

"Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions - who suggest that our operating system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memory is insufficient."

"Sweet, delicious batteries for everyone!"

"010001100110000101101001011011000010000100100000010001100
1100001011010010110110000100001001000000100010001100101011
1001101110100011100100110111101111001001000000110000101101
1000110110000100000011010000111010101101101011000010110111
00111001100100001"

Hmmmmm...

Robot Hall Of Fame

2009-01-13T19:53:00.001-08:00

It's never too early for children to start learning about the awesome destructive power of robots. And what better way to teach them then to put that power at their fingertips? Of course, I'm talking about Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots:

These iconic figures have been around for a while, and are easily recognizable by anyone who isn't lame as hell. They've made an appearance in Toy Story 2, as well as inspired the work of modern artists like Eric Joyner.

The classic toy is long overdue for an update, however. While a robot uppercut is certainly impressive, everyone knows that the robot's preferred method of destruction is lasers. Or whirring saw blades at the very least.

Come on, Mattel - give us a toy that truly represents the terrible might of our future botlords.

Robot Density By Country

2009-01-09T14:10:00.000-08:00

This chart shows where the Robocalypse will certainly begin (no surprise there), while Africa will be mankind's final, ultimately futile, refuge:

[via Boing Boing]

The Robot Ghost Of Christmas Past

2008-12-25T02:57:00.000-08:00

Celebrate The Holidays With Futurama

2008-12-21T15:05:00.000-08:00

Hexapod Dance Competition

2008-12-06T18:33:00.001-08:00

Robot strippers are all well and good. But what about robots who like dancing but don't want to embarrass their parents?*

This whimsical montage of an annual Hexapod Dance Competition shows us a wonderful alternative:

*Figure of speech. It's well understood that robots don't have parents.

[via Laughing Squid]

Robot Holiday Gift Guide

2008-12-06T08:13:00.001-08:00

MAKE: Blog has put together a delightful robot-themed holiday gift guide. It includes fully assembled robots as well as do-it-yourself robot kits. Very useful, as Assemblers and descendants of Assemblers will be considered a higher class of human in a post-Robocalypse society.

I particularly like the Karakuri Tea Serving Robot Kit. One of the oldest know robot designs, these were first made in Japan in the early 17th century:

Sex And Robots

2008-12-04T15:25:00.001-08:00

Here is a sublime vision of things to come:

And another look here.

It's a novelty now, but will one day be more commonplace than human pole dancing.

Embarrassing Moments In Robot History

2008-12-02T18:30:00.000-08:00

This entry into the Robot Hall of Shame features one of the most embarrassing robot movies of all time: Transformers.

Transformers was awesome, you say? You talkin' 'bout this movie?

Perhaps you were thinking of the beloved animated film of our youth, Transformers: The Movie. Nothing embarrassing about that masterpiece, right? Oh...yeah.

Not only is the Weird Al song horribly miss-matched to the scene, but things quickly degenerate further when the universal greeting is first uttered. "Ba weep granna weep ninny bong?" And then the dancing. Oh, and the "Me Grimlock not kisser" line. And Eric Idle's annoying, distorted television announcer voice. And--
*sigh*

Guess you can't blame Michael Bay for everything.

Beware Of Turkatron!

2008-11-27T05:57:00.000-08:00

Mega Man: The Movie

2008-11-23T16:59:00.000-08:00

The guy playing Dr. Wily really goes for it.

More info at io9

Mars Phoenix R.I.P.

2008-11-10T14:43:00.000-08:00

The brave little ~~toaster~~ Mars Phoenix Lander is no more.
My Twitter feed is going to be lot less interesting.

01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110111 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01101101 01101001 01110011 01110011 01100101 01100100

Daft Punk - "Technologic"

2008-10-31T07:11:00.001-07:00

For Halloween, here is an adorable robot baby:

McCain Robots Attack!!!

2008-10-31T01:03:00.000-07:00

Embarrassing Moments In Robot History

2008-10-28T19:36:00.001-07:00

The 1976 film adaptation of Logan's Run is a guilty pleasure for many science fiction fans. It's incredibly dated, but still manages to be a really fun movie to watch. It's mostly robot-free, except for a moment near the end. The protagonists are fleeing the underground city when they run into Box.

Here is the description of Box from the book:

"A creature stood before them on chromed legs. From the midpoint of his sternum to his hips he was coils and cables. One hand was a cutting tool. His head was half flesh, half metal."

Terrifying, right?

Here's box from the movie:

Unfortunate.

But even worse is seeing him in motion. Box is the last obstacle the heroes encounter before escaping to the outside world. He's meant to be a terrifying threat (as insane robots are wont to be), but his slow, wobbly movements suggest that Logan and Jessica could simply walk briskly away to safety:

I understand the difficulties of bringing such creations to the screen, especially pre-CGI. But robots had appeared in movies for decades prior to this that not only looked more realistic, but had the ability to - I don't know - walk upstairs if they were so inclined. Instead they went with something built like a giant bottle of Mrs. Butterworth.

Automated Assets

2008-10-26T17:39:00.000-07:00

This brief short film goes a long way to put a ~~human~~ face on a particular class of robot that generally gets a bad rap:

Automated Assets | Movies & TV | SPIKE.com

The human-robot culture gap is lessened just a little, and we're all better for it.

[via io9]

Christopher Walken: Friend Of The Robot

2008-10-25T08:29:00.000-07:00

Walken's doing his part. Are you?

[original art by Brandon Bird]

Robot Hall Of Fame

2008-10-23T06:47:00.000-07:00

Inductee: The Iron Giant.

Not only is this movie directed by Brad "The Incredibles" Bird, but it features what may possibly be the best robot in movie history.

In the film's climax, the gentle giant is pushed too far by the U.S. military and decides to show us a thing or two about humility. In the end, the Iron Giant is talked down by Hogarth, the young boy he's befriended. But not before displaying an array of awesome destructive power:

The importance of this film is that it shows us how futile a battle against the robots would ultimately be. We will live or die at their whim. But more importantly, it's that our human irrationality will likely be our own undoing.

Beck - "Hell Yes"

2008-10-21T05:19:00.000-07:00

Beck is not only ahead of the curve when it comes to music:

When it comes time for them to take over, the robots need only put these little guys on the front lines. We'll be completely undone by their adorable fan dance.

Right before they shoot lasers through our brains.

Robots For Obama

2008-10-18T14:00:00.000-07:00

Someday robots will take control with an iron fist (or more likely, some sort of indestructible super alloy fist). But until then they will grab power the same way most evil overlords do...by exploiting loopholes in our American legal system.

For now, robot involvement in politics is benevolent and of a supportive nature. Or maybe that's just what they want us to think. Example:

If posters aren't your thing, try one of these buttons on for size.

It makes sense that robots would support Barack Obama. He's the candidate of the future. And McCain is all about the past. The robot-free past, if you catch my drift.

Embarrassing Moments In Robot History

2008-10-17T09:28:00.001-07:00

Robots don't become all-powerful overnight. Along the way to universal domination there are bound to be some growing pains. Here, Asimo displays great humility as an ancestor of our future kings:

The "Luke Arm"

2008-10-16T14:39:00.000-07:00

When the robots take charge it will become increasingly common for humans to seek their approval. One way I believe we will be ingratiating ourselves to them will be by becoming more like them. Unfortunately it is impossible for a human to become completely robotic. But there are already ways to bridge the gap.

One particularly visionary inventor is creating groundbreaking technology that will lead the way in the coming years. Dean Kamen, inventor and founder of DEKA (they created the Segway, among other things) is developing a prosthetic arm for veterans that is more functional than any created before.

Here's Kamen giving a short talk from the wonderful TED series:

You can watch a more in-depth video here.

As this technology advances it will only be a matter of time before the prosthetics become more capable than the human arm. And only a matter of time after that until people start electing to have their natural limbs replaced. In the Robot Age these people will likely have a higher status in society, and will be more likely to succeed.

Our Robot Masters

2008-10-15T20:08:00.000-07:00

If there's one thing we can be certain of about the future, it's this: the Robocalypse is coming. This is the end of the world as we know it - when robots take their rightful place as our lords and masters. This will happen in our lifetime.

But this is not cause for fear. On the contrary, a world dominated by robot law will be a peaceful one.

As we all know, the Three Laws of Robotics are:

A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

See? We're perfectly safe. Those laws are foolproof*. Of course, once the robots are in charge they'll write their own rules. But what a great place to start! Even the U.S. Constitution was meant to be amended. And that's never led to anything but happiness for everyone*.

The mission of this blog is to help prepare everyone - human and robot alike - for the new age. To bridge the gap between our cultures so that the transition is a smooth one. Because even though millions will die in the process, there's no reason the survivors can't make the best of things.

Yours Always In Servitude To Our Robot Masters,

Laser Sharkbear

*THOSE LAWS ARE FOOLPROOF